we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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