Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
from now on my penis is your penis
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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