did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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