Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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