oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
