She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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