meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
