What a fucking waste of an outfit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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