NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
