He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
