Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
is that a dick in a sweater?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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