I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
