do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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