You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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