those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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