ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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