I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
