My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
