We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
