You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
