Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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