I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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