I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
