Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize