guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
