We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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