You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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