I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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