That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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