i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
