So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
