i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
