you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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