6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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