It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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