You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
These tits shall not be calmed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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