after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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