I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bring me that man meat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
