is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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