im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
