what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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