I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
