I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
