so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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