fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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