May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
