i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
