you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
