I want to walk on stilts...naked
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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