last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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