I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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