Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
