you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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