if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
