Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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