I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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