it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
