babies were throwing up all over the place
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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