Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
