Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
