Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
